News, reviews and opinion pieces on movies, television, music and books.
Happy New Year, Vortainer’s! It’s 2019, and that’s still hard to believe. Nevertheless, here’s hoping this is a good one for each and every one of you. We’re certainly going to be working hard on making 2019 the best year for Vortainment.com. We’ve got new features (of the monthly and weekly variety), reviews, videos, streams…
It is a futile endeavor to review a movie directed/produced by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the duo responsible for such “classics” as Epic Movie, Date Movie, Vampires Suck, Meet the Spartans, and the Scary Movie franchise. This movie is what it is. Nothing I say will discourage those who like this sort of thing…
For many of my teenage years and into my twenties I was one of those dorky retro kids obsessed with old vinyl records and bands that, if my friends had heard of, they did not care about. I say that because when a film is made about a sub-culture, it is important to get that…
What do you get when you take bits of the Blair Witch Project, Raiders of the Lost Ark, National Treasure, and Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, cram them into a giant blender and hit “puree”? This movie; As Above, So Below. The main character here is a female Indiana Jones type searching for the mystical…
Two beach bums, one with a military past, and both in an open three way relationship with a hot blonde named Ophelia, start a homegrown marijuana business that becomes very successful. Said business attracts the wrong kind of attention from a very powerful Mexican drug cartel. So, together with the aid of a dirty DEA…
I saw this movie in 3D with my wife, who liked it far less than I did, feeling the movie was long on chase scenes and short on story. I say that up front for a little context, but personally I loved that the entire movie is just one long adrenaline rush. The story was…
79 A.D was a very bad year for the city of Pompeii. One of the worst natural disasters of the ancient world occurred as a killer Volcano named Vesuvius erupted and wiped out thousands upon thousands of lives. So now I guess enough time has passed to attempt to turn that tragedy into a silly…
Imagine if Sex and the City had been written by gay women about straight men instead of by gay men about straight women. Three best friends make a pact to not enter a relationship and just be tail chasing besties who share an apartment in New York City, but of course all of them wind…
The Purge (2013) starring Ethan Hawke was one of my big disappointments. I thought the premise (all crime being legal for one night) was bloody brilliant, and had mucho potential for social commentary, plus a ton of groovy action in the vein of Escape from New York. Instead, the whole story took place in the…
This story takes place in Nazi occupied Paris, where a young and beautiful blonde cinema owner has been tasked with hosting a big event for the entire Third Reich. At the same time, a Dirty Dozen like crew of Allied Nazi Hunters lead by Brad Pitt are looking for a way to end the way,…
Wednesday is Halloween, and if you’ve got nothing going on then you should plant yourself on a couch and tune into TNT for a good old Supernatural marathon. This all-day marathon, last from 7am to 7pm CT, is bringing the “spooks, chills and thrills” with select episodes from the first four seasons of the hit…
‘Security’ is a movie that aims low and stays on target. Antonio Banderas, far removed from his days as the guitar case gunslinger in Desperado, plays a two dimensional archetype—a former soldier, struggling to find work to see his family who are forced to live two states away. The soldier finds work as an overnight…
