1 star

The Starving Games Review

November 24, 2018 // 0 Comments

It is a futile endeavor to review a movie directed/produced by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the duo responsible for such “classics” as Epic Movie, Date Movie, Vampires Suck, Meet the Spartans, and the Scary Movie franchise. This movie is what it is. Nothing I say will discourage those who like this sort of thing to knock it off, [...]

Pompeii Review

October 28, 2018 // 0 Comments

79 A.D was a very bad year for the city of Pompeii. One of the worst natural disasters of the ancient world occurred as a killer Volcano named Vesuvius erupted and wiped out thousands upon thousands of lives. So now I guess enough time has passed to attempt to turn that tragedy into a silly romantic popcorn movie. I’m game anyway. Too bad that [...]

That Awkward Moment Review

October 27, 2018 // 0 Comments

Imagine if Sex and the City had been written by gay women about straight men instead of by gay men about straight women. Three best friends make a pact to not enter a relationship and just be tail chasing besties who share an apartment in New York City, but of course all of them wind up falling in love with one lady or another and their pact [...]

Halloween: Resurrection Review

October 19, 2015 // 0 Comments

This is without a doubt the laziest of all the Halloween movies. Even part three, as misguided as it was, at least tried to be creative. Halloween: Resurrection can’t be bothered with the formalities of either the franchise it represents or decent storytelling in general. For the past half dozen or so flicks, Michael Myers sole reason for [...]

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch Review

October 14, 2015 // 0 Comments

Only John Carpenter knows what he was thinking when he agreed to let Tommy Lee Wallace helm this strange non-sequel (which he both wrote and directed) which is the third entry into his iconic Halloween series. The plot, in as much of a nutshell as I can come up with is this: Michael Myers was (to be ret-conned in future films) burned to [...]

Friday The 13th Part 9: Jason Goes to Hell Review

October 9, 2015 // 0 Comments

This was the first movie of the series to be filmed by New Line Cinema, and boy did they take some liberties here. Like I said in one of the earlier reviews, this was basically Friday the 13th’s version of “Halloween 3: Season of the Witch”, that being a disconnected mess that has almost no continuity with the rest of the series whatsoever [...]

Die Another Day Review

August 28, 2015 // 0 Comments

I almost wish I could review this one in two parts, as it really is two different movies. For the first half of its running time, Die Another Day is one of the best James Bond movies I’ve ever seen. For the second half of the movie, it is one of the worst, as it absolutely falls off a cliff. We start off with an excellent opening action scene [...]

Death Wish V: The Face of Fear Review

July 17, 2015 // 1 Comment

Paul Kersey had the worst damn luck of perhaps any movie character in history. I would say tied with John McLane, but all McLane had to worry about was getting trapped in the occasional building. Kersey repeatedly has loved ones mowed down in gruesome life scarring ways. At the time of this movie he is officially a grandpa aged gentleman looking, [...]

No Holds Barred Review

June 12, 2015 // 0 Comments

Some movies that you see and love as a child should be left in your childhood and never revisited as an adult, lest you tarnish those memories. No Holds Barred is just such a movie. I knew going in that this movie was not going to be a classic by any stretch of the imagination, but I wasn’t fully prepared for just how bad it was going to be. [...]

Ready to Rumble Review

June 9, 2015 // 0 Comments

If the people who ran World Wrestling Entertainment were as inept at what they do as the producers of this movie were at making a comedy, that form of entertainment would have went out of business decades ago. Ready to Rumble is a wrestling movie produced in conjunction with a wrestling company, that did in fact go out of business from being that [...]